How to Find Love in the Swiping Era with Millennial Dating Coach Elsa Moreck
Love Intently Podcast Episode 56
“I've always believed that you show people how to treat you. And I think that if you really believe that you're worth a shot, not just intellectually, like you actually know that in your core, then the other person will see that.” -Elsa Moreck, Dating Coach
Elsa was fascinated with love since she was a little girl playing out soap operas with her barbies. Fast forward into adulthood and she found herself getting paid a lot of money to listen and talk with businessmen at a bar in Japan while she studied psychology for undergrad. Combining a skill for listening, an education in human psychology and a fascination with human attraction, she combined everything she learned and integrated that into modern dating culture and became a certified dating coach.
In this episode of the Love Intently Podcast, we discuss:
The best thing to have in your dating app profile photo, based on human psychology (hint: it’s NOT a puppy)
How to slide into someone’s DMs the RIGHT way
The SIX WORDS to say when someone ghosts you to guarantee a response
The most common mistake Elsa sees of singles getting back into the dating scene
Why Elsa suggests you peak under the table during your first date (it’s not THAT! Get your head out of the gutter)
How to use body language to show you are open to meeting new people
Elsa Moreck is a dating coach who helps millennials find love in the swiping area. It’s her mission is to facilitate meaningful relationships and connections in a world where they're going extinct by empowering you to take control of your life. She is a co-host of the Pandemic Love, and she has been featured on Tinder, HuffPost, and Bustle. She does private one on one high-touch coaching, as well as quarterly masterminds. You can follow her on Instagram @elsamoreck and be sure to join her Facebook group “Down to Mingle”
Lessons from This Episode
There’s generally three ways in which people use dating apps incorrectly:
Villainizing the apps, not using the apps as intended, and not being intentional with your profile
“I tell my clients that you should give a conversation up to 72 hours and then after that you should be meeting up in real life. And ideally in between that, you've scheduled a phone call just to make sure that you kind of know what you're getting into”
You should have at least a quick phone call before you go meet them in person
“If you can at least have a conversation with them and get a flow for how they carry themselves, you're going to feel a lot better about going on the date and investing in them.”
When sliding into someone’s DM’s, don’t comment on their physical attractiveness and don’t ask how their day was. Find something unique on their profile that is a good conversation starter
Where someone’s feet are pointing tells you a lot about how comfortable or uncomfortable they are with you
Know what you’re looking for before you jump back into the dating scene
“Stay open to possibilities and know what you want. Definitely cause I think that's a challenge that I see a lot as people don't really know what they're looking for. It's kind of like walking into the supermarket without a list and just like aimlessly perusing the aisles. If you know exactly what you're looking for, it's a lot easier to recognize it.”
There are no winners or losers in relationships
“If you're focused on yourself and winning, and your partner has to lose, no one wins because the relationship loses when one person loses. Whereas if you're focused on creating harmony in the relationship, then you both win.”
In the dating phase, we often put in a lot of effort to make the person feel loved. And then as we get more comfortable in the relationship, the effort tapers off. Don’t stop trying to make your partner feel loved!
“Loving intently is consciously bringing back the presence that you had in the beginning.”
Resources
The Game of Desire by Shannon Boodram
Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss
Connect with Elsa Moreck
Connect with Sophie and Love Intently
Take the Find Your Attachment Style Quiz to learn about your love language and attachment style to strengthen your relationship and love with intention.
Follow @love.intently on Instagram
Follow @sophkwok on Instagram
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