Love Intently

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The Transformative Power of Breakups with Shea Boland, Men’s Transformation Coach

Sophie Kwok

Love Intently Podcast Episode 58

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In the society we live in, it can be difficult for men to find space to be vulnerable and share their emotions. Our guest this week, Shea Boland, a men’s transformation coach, holds that space and guides men on their own personal growth journey. 

It took a long time for Shea to get to the level of self awareness, inner peace, and joy that he is at today. Childhood trauma set the stage for years of drug addiction, trying to numb the pain, and failed relationships.

“No matter how bad I wanted to stop, I just couldn't seem to make it happen. And that's the scary, tragic thing about addiction that not many people understand or even believe. it's really unfortunate, it's like this cycle that happens.”

He reached a point of such desperation and fear of dying, that he finally surrendered and sought help. He entered an intense men’s recovery program and his life changed forever, in the best way. 

“This time it was like, I am completely out of options. I don't want to die. I'll do whatever it takes. And that desperation is the foundation for long term recovery. So I'm very grateful for that.”

He finally found a sense of purpose. He found that his pain can be the catalyst for healing. He has found the courage to cultivate unconditional self love, which has allowed for healthier relationships in his life and success in his coaching career.

“I found a part of me that was capable of showing up in life and to be in the world, and to be hospitable towards others. And to leave work feeling really accomplished.”

Now, he guides other men to do the same, using presence-based coaching. This means that he does not give men a “formula” to follow or tell them exactly what to do, but rather, holds space for them, listens intently, and asks intuitive questions so his clients can get out of their heads and into their hearts.

“It becomes this very focused session where we are shining a light on some of the aspects of his psyche that are potentially holding him back from leaving this relationship. We're also tapping into the parts of him that are strong and courageous. And so if I had to really sum it up for you, what I do is I hold space for my clients to find their own light and. That is my job.”

In this powerful discussion we cover Shea’s upbringing, his journey with childhood trauma, a wounded relationship with his mother, drug and alcohol addiction, recovery, the courage to honor all of his emotions, how he found his way to coaching, and the transformations he’s had through break ups. 

“I just saw that the darkest fear happened and I was still okay. I was there for myself. I learned self love on a whole new level. I couldn't use drugs or alcohol to take off the edge of the pain.

“I had to just sit with everything. There was a piece of me that felt fundamentally okay when my worst fear happened.”

Shea’s Three Love Truths

  1. You find love by contributing it to others

  2. What you’re searching for is already within you, you just have to get out of your own way, peel back the layers, and do the deep inner work to see how powerful and amazing and unique you are

  3. Compassion is the way to freedom

Shea’s Best Relationship Advice

Be relentless about asking yourself how you’re showing up and how you can improve. It’s the only thing you have control over.

What does love intently mean to Shea?

“Presence. Being my best self, maintaining a strong sense of eye contact. My heart is wide open. My breath is deep. I’m all in, at that moment. I’m 100% present, really in touch with the magic of that connection.”

Connect with Shea Boland

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