Discover your brain language, how you think and make decisions.
Aside from learning how you and your partner give and receive love differently with the 5 love languages, you might still notice miscommunications between the two of you. Don't stress; it's normal! You're two unique human beings, so it's natural that the two of you think very differently. Through talking to many couples and hours researching relationships, Love Intently developed a framework to identify the differences in the way we think.
Here is an introduction to the Four Brain Languages.
Advocates love to get things done. They take pride in doing things well and succeeding everyone’s expectations. They love to share their expertise with people who really appreciate what they’re doing. They hate making mistakes or letting anyone down (including themselves). Achieving goals and making deadlines sing to their soul. They love to-do lists and completing one makes them feel accomplished. It is difficult for an advocate to break the rules because it's at the expense of letting someone else down. When they fail to follow through or get blamed for a mistake, it really impacts them negatively.
Analysts like to know the reason and logic before doing anything. They won't do it if the action doesn't make sense to them. They hate spending or wasting time on things they don't agree with. Facts, numbers, and previous evidence contributes heavily in their decision making. Rules matter only if they decide it makes sense to them. It's painful for an Analyst to spend time or effort doing something they don't agree with. Analyst's need to be given time to research before making a decision.
Allies put others first. They love feeling like you had a part in someone else's success or something greater. They hate letting others down. They thrive when they have a kindred spirit in their life that will help keep them on track. They often have a hard time with self-control or self-imposed rules. Accountability heavily motivates them and dislike being reprimanded or letting others down. For them, having other people involved in their goals is a major factor in their success.
Above everything, Independent's value their freedom. They're motivated by self-determination and resist control (sometimes even from themselves). They hate being told what to do meaning they'll go out of their way to do the opposite of what they're being told. Their top priority is the ability to create their own course in life. They are motivated by freedom, self-determination and as a result heavily dislike when others try to tell them what to do. They will follow the rules if it lines up with their personal goals.
Each person is unique to the way they think and make decisions. Having different brain languages can be incredibly frustrating in a relationship especially if you are unaware of your differences. For instance, an analyst needs to know the reason why behind every decision. This would get annoying to someone who is an Ally and wants to do everything they can to help others. For an Analyst, if they don't believe something is a good use of time, it's difficult to get on board even if it's potentially beneficial to others. Learning what you and your partner's brain language is a significant step in creating a deeper understanding of one another. Have grace and patience for one another, becoming great communicators is a journey, not a destination.
Let us know what yours brain language is and how it affects your relationships in the comments below!