The number one reason couples fight

All of our fights boil down to one word. 


We all have them. Whether your expectations come from your parents or fairytales you grew up watching, expectations exist. We aren't taught to talk about them openly, and that's when expectations can become lethal to a relationship. The two of you are ever evolving people, so it's important to have these conversations periodically throughout your relationship. 

It's been stated before, expectations are premeditated resentments because no one is perfect and can't always read your mind. Expectations are also translated into assumptions.  

Expectations are premeditated resentments

Here are 3 tips to communicate and understand your expectations: 

1. Know what your expectations are and where they come from  

Being aware of your personal expectations and where they come from is important because it enables open communication. Whether your expectations come from your upbringing and how your parents decided to divide up duties or movies you have watched it's important to identify. It helps you realize that it's one way to run a household, not necessarily the right way. It's likely your partner has completely different expectations from their experiences and it's important to talk about what's right for the both of you. Remember, when one of you loses, both of you lose. 

2. Ask and Talk about your expectations

Having open conversations about your expectations are essential in having a healthy relationship.  Not all expectations are going to be able to be met but having the conversation is a huge step in the right direction. Once you've identified what your expectations are and why they exist, you can have a discussion about what's right for your relationship. Just because your Dad always did something does not mean you and your partner have to stick to traditional gender roles. Some men do all of the cooking because they enjoy it more than their counterparts. Start by asking what they dislike doing the most or what they enjoy doing the most.

3. Transform your expectations into gratitude.  

It can be easy to get caught up in what you're not receiving, especially if you feel like you're always putting in more effort. However, you have a choice to make every single day, to either be grateful for who your partner is or complain about who they're not. Keeping tabs on what each of you are doing for your relationship is breeding grounds for an unhealthy tick for tack relationship. You are on the same team so play like you're for each other not against. 

Happiness is not about getting what you want all the time; it’s about loving what you do have.

How do you and your loved one work through your expecations? How did you two approach conversations around your expectations? Was this helpful or do you have anything to add? Let me know in the comments below. 

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Sophie KwokComment