Your love life loses every time you win an argument

pc: April Maura

pc: April Maura

Regardless of the stage of your relationship, arguments happen. Arguments and disagreements are known to destroy relationships, but they don’t have to. The tension can be grounds for learning, grace, and growth in the relationship.

Meet Justin & Allison Rodriguez, they’re the type of people who will drop everything and go out of their way to help a friend in need. The intersections of traveling, outdoor adventures, people, and dancing is where you can typically find them. When asked what they would tell themselves when they first started dating, together they responded, "If one of you is winning, both of you are losing."

If one of you is winning, both of you are losing
— The Rodriguez's

Justin and Allison are known to be quite competitive in their respects. They are the couple who dominates game nights and field days. However, when it comes to their marriage, they cling to this piece of advice. They strive to be united rather than to win because they recognize they're a team. They mentioned how if one of them won, it meant the other lost.  If one of them felt like they were losing, they’re both losing because of the strain it causes in the relationship. To them, loving each other past their imperfections is more important than being right. It has made it easier for them to apologize for times when they know they are wrong because they know the other is on their team too. Though it's been far from easy in the first year of their marriage, letting go of winning has helped them unite despite disagreements. 

Disagreeing is inevitable, but how each of you responds is what matters most. Approaching each other with kindness and a willingness to listen is far more efficient than striving to be right. A romantic relationship shouldn't be a competition, but two people who choose to share their lives with one another. A desire to win sprouts from pride and immediately seeks to shut down anything the other has to say. Couples I admire most are far from perfect. Rather, two imperfect people who have chosen to love each other even when it's hard.

How do you typically respond in disagreements? What do you wish you knew when you first started dating your partner? Share your wisdom in the comments below.

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